I'm sitting here feeling lost with my insides turning. I know this feeling a little too well. It's the feeling I get right before everything starts to fall apart. In other words, I think I'm heading for a nose dive. I don't want it but I know I can't help it. It's out of my control. It feels terrible. It's a strange feeling knowing that something is going to happen, even expecting that something is going to happen but that is all the information you have. I have no clue what is going to happen save that every tick deepens anxiety. I know this feeling too well but where do I run to. I feel exposed like there is no way to hide. Sometimes I wish I had a protector someone I could run to and feel safe. I have always been exposed I have always felt unprotected, unshielded while I provided protection and shelter for others.
I don't know how to come out of this darkness. I pray show me a way, give me a short moment of relief, I pray thee maker. Make this a little easy, help me to feel a little different. I am not even asking you to take the pain away, I am just asking to react to the pain differently; Hopefully. I don't want to cringe and fold and just moan. My soul dies that way, my spirit crumples and my body just writhes in pain. I have seen dark days and I don't count them to have made me noble and above the law. I consider them hopeful guides to accept my place in this world that indeed I am at your mercy my lord. Things are falling apart all around me and you are the only hope.
Writer's Note:
I started to write this prayer but never finished it. It was at the time when my mother and grandmother passed away. I began a prayer series and when I came to post my first entry I realized I had started this prayer but never posted it so I decided to post it instead of my new entry. At the time I felt really lost and I didn't know which way to turn because I felt exposed on all levels. May this encourage someone to lay down the load.
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