Favoritism

She leaned into his ears and whispered, “ You know you are my favorite son in the whole world, I dare you to ask your father if you are his favorite and I bet you he won’t answer the same…” It was safe for this friend of mine to say this to her only son and more importantly because his ex husband has more than one son. I laughed about it and it would’ve just passed as a joke but of course being me required that I address what the moment triggered for me hence this blog entry.

The idea of having favorite things is ever so present on many levels. Often people ask questions such as what is your favorite color, sneaker brand, tooth paste, restaurant and many other things down to your favorite pair of shoes all in the name of wanting to know you better. Some experts have written many books about what people’s favorite things says about them and how you can make important decisions about whether someone is compatible as a partner depending on what their favorite things are. When I’m asked what my favorite color is, I am never able to give a single answer and the same goes for many other things including favorite restaurant, book, movie and a host of other intended to reveal type questions.

I don’t know if my inability to give a single answer is as result of my indecision or my weirdness but I do know that I like different things for different reasons so there is difficulty in making those bold declaration because a green pair of shoes on a Sunday matching a green shirt may no longer work on a Tuesday. As interesting as the idea of discussing favorite items are concerned I will table that for now and discuss the idea of favorite human beings.

I find it hard treating everyone equally without showing favoritism. I don’t even mean favoritism by quid pro quo where I believe I will get something in return by playing favorites but more like simply being drawn to one person more than the rest or more than another in most cases. For as long as I can remember, Anytime I encountered a group of people, I found myself liking one or two people more than the rest even if I was not going to get anything in return for doing so. The idea of a best friend is quite unfamiliar to me because I grew up without one. I often ended up being the third friend which didn’t quite bother me too much but that never prevented me from liking one friend more than the other albeit often the two shared a stronger bond than I did with either of them.

Being a third wheel often was annoying but it heightened my awareness of my tendencies to like someone more than another or prefer that one person succeed more in something than the other. I don’t remember rooting for someone to fail per se but my allegiance towards my favorite often made me want to see him or her win. I would often find myself supporting underdogs when watching sports and games it made me feel a tad bit guilty but I can almost say that everyone finds himself or herself playing favorites sometimes. Parents can’t get away from it when it comes to their kids because no matter how hard they try one kid may either be daddy’s favorite, mommy’s favorite or both and the sentiments, no matter how subtle, will be felt by the others, so that even if it’s never declared it’s never news. So Parents can’t get away from it, I can’t get away from it, even Jesus can’t get away from it and had favorites. why can’t we get away from favoritism?

In my next entry I will address the issues with dealing with not being the favorite.