The one thing we all can't get away from is the need for a reason. A reason for love, a reason to do, a reason to be and a reason to say. Even in moments when we say we had no reasons the reason becomes just that, nothing. Little reasons for things are bits and pieces of a bigger underlying question that we have probably heard in one form or another, that is if there is a single purpose for our lives and if so what that purpose is.
I recently saw the movie "UP" in the theater and boy did that cartoon have deeper themes running through its story line. I am starting to wonder if writers write purely for kids anymore because some of the tough revelations one comes up against in the movie are ones adults reluctantly or unwillingly deal with.
At the expense of those who are yet to see the movie, I will proceed to give a bit of a window into it. I will do my best not to give too much away so that I don't spoil it for anyone. Among the many themes is one involving an old man on a mission to accomplish what to him was a lifelong purpose of a dear one who had passed away. He was sure accomplishing this act for her posthumously was going to somehow bring the story full circles or give him some form of closure. Perhaps my active viewing senses were awakened during the movie because I couldn’t help but to infer that his efforts were motivated by both love and guilt. Pure love for his wife and a desire to accomplish what was her lifelong dream and guilt because he probably felt he had one way or another during her lifetime been the reason she didn't fulfill her dream.
If I were analyzing the movie then I would be tempted to figure out which of these two motivations held more sway, but that is not what I am trying to do so I won't be bothered with that endeavor and will leave it to the critics. What I couldn't let go of was the old man's determination to accomplish this one thing even though he looked miserable doing it. He was so committed to this end that he made a declaration that stunned me. In his words, he was going to achieve the goal even if it “killed him”. I realized something as soon as he said that, I was alerted through his declaration to the fact that this was what he was living for,the whole essence of his being, his very purpose.
I have wondered if there is one particular thing I could say is my purpose in life. One thing that drives me, what others would describe as “my passion”. Over the years, there have been things by way of lifestyle, career moves and educational endeavors that I have desired. Some I have been able to accomplish while others have conveniently eluded me in one way or another. However, I don't ever remember one thing being a do or die affair. So it was strange to witness this ultimate desire to die to accomplish something play out on the movie screen. To be fair to the old man, it may just be that, like it has been for me on many occasions, the task at hand was at the time something that was incredibly pressing and so deserved a deep commitment to seeing it through, however his proclamation certainly paints a different picture that makes it seem more serious and ultimately quite "do or dieish".
I have often heard it said that if you don't stand for something you would fall for anything. I have even attended lectures where the presenters and orators have eloquently advocated that attendees write out little mission statements or purpose statements for themselves. Mottos and mantras they are to live by to help foster whatever the message it is they received that day. I have tried a few times to write something like that down but many times I have either failed to complete the statement because there is so much to include or found myself wanton for what it is I consider the single most important addition. I feel weird because somehow in the back of my mind I think I am the only one unable to do this. I look around me and I see people who are driven to accomplish specific things with a do or die attitude and I don't experience myself the same way. People who desire to be doctors so badly that they would chop off their legs to become and people stepping who do anything including stepping on others to become the next big executive are all around me so the fact that I don't have one particular thing I would kill for sometimes makes me wonder many things. Perhaps I haven't found that one thing and maybe I will, however, for some reason I don't think there is anything that would ever make me flip because whatever I may desire I am often brutally aware that I can do without.
I am pretty confident I work hard but I wonder if people measure hard work by the same standards I do. In college for example one thing people measured hard work by was an ability to pull all nighters. I couldn’t pull all nighters for anything. The few times I tried, I failed brutally and it was so sad. I could literally feel my eyes closing and there was nothing I could do other than let the arms of sleep enfold me. All the things that people do to psychologically or physiologically enable them to work seem to do the direct opposite for me. Coffee puts me to sleep and tea is just something I drink because I like it. Gatorade and all those other electrolyte-laden drinks that are supposed to energize sometimes keep me hyper but unable to focus and be productive. So it came as no surprise when someone I know, either through observation or frustration, I'm not sure, declared with a hint of disappointment that "...you are so damn different" I recall the statement stinging a bit and I wondered why it stung because my difference wasn't something new, it was something I was well acquainted with, in fact if I were the one making the statement, my word of choice wouldn't have been different it would have been more like "weird" so that was not the reason it stung. I believe what that moment revealed was a silent desire I had to be like everybody else or what I believed was how everybody else was supposed to be and that was something that even though I had worked around required me to work through.
I have learned over time that my difference is a gift and an ability to embrace that difference adds a hue to the beautiful fabric of life. As for the person who declared my difference he quickly learned that my difference was the world’s (including his) gain and that learning to appreciate that was only to keep and maintain that harmony. For "UP" let's just say the old man learned that things we perceive about others are not always accurate and that some answers needn’t be seen in achieving what we set out to accomplish. As for purpose, to date I still don't have one thing in life that I will say represents a do or die accomplishment. I do feel a sense of obligation to love and embrace lovingly all that I am blessed to encounter. To give lovingly and care for people I encounter sacrificially or at least try to. I am happiest when others around me have a smile on their face. I am not sure if that counts as a singular purpose in which case this whole blog entry will be meaningless but I know I won't kill trying to do it.
I believe finding purpose in life is as organic as life is dynamic. I can't really say that is going to resonate with everyone, as I am certain some people are fixated on one particular end as their purpose. If anyone has any clarity or opinion I am certainly interested in hearing it even if it further reinforces my difference, quirkiness and weirdness from the rest of the world. What is your purpose?
